


My Humanity

by dippity_dip_dipperson



Category: Hemlock Grove
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Not Canon Compliant, Self-Harm, because stuff sucks right now and i need this, describing her here so i don't do it awkwardly in the story, her hair is just a bit longer than his, original character is peter's sister, so she's similar in appearance to him, this is completely self-indulgent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 13:43:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12411411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dippity_dip_dipperson/pseuds/dippity_dip_dipperson
Summary: Roman and Peter find Sonia, Roman's girl and Peter's sister, in a bad way, and they comfort herThis is purely self-indulgent and I apologize





	1. Make It Stop

"Hey Shelley!" Sonia came up beside the tall girl and looked up at her with a smile, emanating warmth and love for her best friend. She giggled and adjusted her backpack as Shelley turned immediately toward her and waved excitedly, beaming happily down at her. "Ready to head on home? Or are we waiting on Roman?" Shelley moved her books in her arms, holding them close so she could use the device she kept around her neck to communicate.

**No, I saw Roman leave with Peter a little while ago. It's just us today sis.**

Sonia chuckled at the nickname and held her hand out to Shelley. "Alright sis, shall we get this show on the road then?" Shelley grinned and took Sonia's hand in hers, and they both started making their way toward the entrance to the school. Though they were both smiling and walking happily together, they could each sense a tension in the other, both mentally preparing themselves for the onslaught they dealt with every day when Roman and Peter weren't there with them. Sure enough, as soon as they opened the doors, not a moment later the first insult was hurled at them.

"Look everyone, it's the monster fucker!" The snide comment was directly followed up with a group of cackles, before someone else chimed in.

"Which one?" the voice sneered. "They're BOTH monsters, in my opinion." Sonia felt tears prick at the corners of her vision as a chorus of voices rang out in agreement, though she kept smiling and held on to Shelley's arm, rubbing her bicep soothingly as she continued to speak over the others. She wouldn't let them get to her, she couldn't let Shelley see her break down right now. She had to keep talking, keep her attention off the insults being tossed so carelessly their way. She had to keep Shelley happy, that was all that mattered.

"So, Shelley, I've made some more progress on that sto-" Sonia's sentence was immediately cut short when someone shoved her in her back.

"Don't fucking ignore us, cunt. What, you think you're so much better than us because you've successfully FUCKED your way into the Godfrey household?" Sonia stiffened her shoulders and held her chin up high as she looked up at Shelley, smiling when she saw the concern etched into her expression, silently telling her that it was fine, she was ok. She started to speak again, but before she could even get the first word out she was being yanked back by her hair, crying out more in surprise than pain.

"Fucking bitch. So what is it then? Did you find out little rich boy's name was plastered all over this place and just spread your legs wide fuckin' open for him? Would you have done the same if it was any other dude?" She felt his breath on her neck now and it took all of her self-control not to wretch right then and there. "I think I'm gonna take you back to my place and have a bit of fu-"

Before he could finish his sentence she successfully elbowed him in the stomach, and when he let go of her hair to double over in pain she whipped around and uppercut him in the gut, lifting him off the ground almost a full inch in doing so. Seeing the panic and pain in his eyes, she dropped him to the ground, panting slightly as she watched him curl into the fetal position. She quickly adjusted her hair and cleared her throat as she casually stepped over him, grabbing Shelley's arm and speed-walking away from the crowd that was now gathering around the boy.

Once they were far enough away, Shelley stopped and grabbed the device on her neck again.

**Sonia.**

"Hm?" She turned and looked at Shelley, using a smile to hide everything going on in her mind at the moment. 

**You already know. Please talk to me. I want to help you the way that you help me.**

Sonia simply shook her head and gave a soft, genuine smile. "I'm ok Shelley, I promise." Shelley looked down at her with concern in her eyes but nodded, smiling a bit as Sonia grabbed onto her arm again. "Now let's get you home sis, Roman's bound to start freaking out if you're not home soon."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Are you sure you can't come in for a little while? It's Friday, we don't have to get up early for school tomorrow, and I know Roman will want to see you.**

Sonia shook her head, a sad smile on her lips. "I'm sorry Shell, I can't tonight, I've got some stuff to take care of at home. Tomorrow though, ok? I promise I'll come over bright and early, and you can have a look at the progress I've made on my story, maybe help me out a bit? And after that we can go for a walk, or watch a movie, or whatever you wanna do. Sound good?" Shelley looked sad for a bit, but then nodded, smiling.

**We should go to my reading spot, under the tree by the river, and I can read your story there while you take pictures.** She looked up and waited for Sonia to nod before continuing. **If we get there early enough, the view is gorgeous and would make for some great pictures.**

"Sounds like a plan to me." Both girls smiled at each other before sharing a hug, and Sonia held onto Shelley tightly as she spoke. "I love you so much sis. I'll see you tomorrow, alright?" She pulled away as Shelley began to type again.

**I love you too sis. I'll be waiting to hear from you later, ok?** Sonia smiled and nodded, turning to leave. Halfway down the steps though, she turned back to Shelley, chewing on her bottom lip.

"Tell Roman I'm sorry, please? Let him know that I'll text or call him as soon as I can, and that I love him." Shelley giggled silently and nodded, smiling and waving at Sonia as she left, making her way down to her and Peter's home.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Roman rapped his knuckles against the wooden door, listening to the floor creak as someone came to answer it. His heart sank before the door even opened, the footsteps too heavy to be Sonia's.

"Roman? It's late dude, what are you doing here?" Peter answered the door with surprise, a beer in his hand as he leaned against the door frame.

"Well, I came to see Sonia. Shelley said she left after bringing her home because she had something to do here. I haven't heard from her at all, so I started getting worried. Did she fall asleep or something?" Peter's face immediately filled with confusion as he stood upright, setting his beer down on a table that Roman couldn't see from where he stood.

"No, she never came home, so I assumed she was with you and Shelley." Roman's eyes widened slightly as his chest grew tight, and Peter had his jacket on within seconds as the two quickly made their way toward Roman's car and started driving to the only place they could think of where she would go.

The abandoned Godfrey Steel Mill.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"MotherFUCKER!" Sonia was all but screaming as she sobbed, flinging any debris she could grab as she let everything out. She wailed miserably, punching large chunks of stone with all her might. She hated it. She fucking **hated** it. She hated everything about herself. She just wanted to function like a normal person. As normal as she could fucking be. "Where's a fucking FULL MOON when you NEED IT!?" She growled and cursed as she continued, punching the wall over and over again, tears dripping from her face in sync with the blood dribbling from her busted knuckles. The pain. The pain helped so much. She glanced down at her legs, now bare since she took her socks off and left them in her shoes. Bare, that is, save for the red lines scattered over them, beads of blood forming and trailing down to her ankles, making the now faded ones more pronounced. She glanced at the knife she had used to carve them, now embedded in a concrete pillar far away from where she stood. It had been so long. She had done so well, and this was what caused her to relapse?

"Fucking pathetic," she sobbed quietly as she slowly sunk down to her knees, head leaned against the wall that was now smeared with her blood from her relentless assault on it only moments before. Slowly, she lifted her shaking hands so she could observe the broken skin on her knuckles. Briefly, she thought of how Roman and Peter would react, how heartbroken Shelley would look, when they all saw what she had done to herself, and the wailing started anew. She was being loud enough that she didn't hear anything else other than her wailing and the terrible thoughts bouncing around in her head. She didn't hear Peter shouting to Roman that he had found her, or their frantic, echoing footsteps as they raced toward her. She didn't even hear them calling her name until they were right up on her, startling her out of her trance. Suddenly, everything was quiet as she watched the two boys assess the situation. She was frozen, anxiety locking all of her muscles in place as she simply watched, and waited fearfully for their reactions. She expected anger, yelling, disappointment, but not... This. 

They were crying. Peter was silent as the tears dripped down his cheeks, but Roman was kneeling beside her now, trembling as he held her close and let out choked sobs with his face nestled in her hair. She felt herself falling apart again, her bottom lip trembling as she prepared to utter out apologies, but Peter spoke first, following Roman's lead as he was now kneeling with them, wrapping his arms around her from the other side.

"Sonia, thank God you're ok. We were so fucking scared, we didn't..." She felt his body start to shake and he cleared his throat. "Please, don't do this anymore. Talk to us first. Any of us. Me, Roman, Shelley, and mom, we all love you. Whatever's wrong, we'll help you however we can, just... Please don't do this to yourself again." She simply sat there, stunned into silence as fresh hot tears fell down her cheeks, and Roman took this chance to speak.

"Sonia, dammit, you don't deserve this. Please..." He started to calm himself down, ignoring how his body wanted to react as he pulled her hand up to his mouth, tenderly kissing her knuckles so as not to cause her any more pain. He was too focused on taking care of her, her blood was quite literally the last thing on his mind in that moment. "I love you, so damn much. I'm here for you, whenever you need me. All I want is to take care of you."

Sonia is just sobbing and nodding at this point, too overwhelmed with emotion to speak. After a few moments, Peter kisses the top of her head and stands up, going to collect her things. Roman holds her even closer now, cradling her to his chest as her sobs slowly fade and they both start to calm each other down. He keeps kissing her forehead, soft and gentle as he whispers over and over again how much he loves her. Eventually, he feels her body relax as she starts to doze off, and he glances around to find Peter with all of her stuff gathered. He gives Roman a nod, and he stands up carefully, trying not to wake Sonia up as he does so.

"Alright Peter, let's get her back home so we can clean her up. What are we gonna tell your mom when we get back?" Roman has adjusted Sonia so that he can hold her more comfortably, her arms now draped loosely around his neck and her face nestled just under his jaw, her soft breaths tickling over his skin.

"I'll take care of that. When we get there, take her to her bed, and everything you'll need to clean her up should be in the cabinet in the bathroom." Roman nods solemnly and clutches Sonia tightly but gently to his chest, walking toward the exit to the large ruined building. He stops, however, when Peter places his hand on his shoulder as he moves past him. "You... CAN do this, right Roman? All that blood isn't gonna...?" Roman would normally be offended at what Peter was insinuating, but he simply shook his head and continued walking.

"This is different Peter. While it is driving me crazy... There are more important things happening right now." He looks back at Peter with a faint smile. "There's something about her that just... Makes me better. And I love her for that. Believe me when I tell you that I will NEVER do anything to hurt her." The two share a small but genuine smile before leaving the Steel Mill and entering the darkness that had fallen as the moon rose.


	2. Healing

Sonia woke up with a groan, keeping her eyes closed as she stretched. Moving around, she felt a slight burning sensation on her legs and knuckles, and with the sensation came the memories of the night before. Suddenly her eyes were wide open, her body cold despite the warmth of the sunlight bleeding in through her window, and she began to panic. _Fuck, fuck! I can't believe Peter and Roman saw me like that, I can't..._ Her thoughts trailed off as she looked herself over. She fully expected the cuts on her legs to be healed already, leaving behind only faint pale lines that blended in easily with her skin, but she was caught off guard by the way her hands had been wrapped. It was similar to the way Shelley's hands were usually wrapped up, with fewer layers and her fingers exposed. Only a little bit of blood had leaked through, but she knew the wounds would be healed already, the scarring minimal and practically unnoticeable on her knuckles. This knowledge didn't stop her from being gentle in removing the wrappings though, almost afraid to ruin the obvious effort someone had put into doing this.

"Hey sis, how you feeling?" The sudden sound of Peter's voice from her doorway startled her, and she let out a sound of exasperation, something between a groan and a sigh. He chuckled at this and came in to sit on her bed looking over at her as she continued to focus on unwrapping her hands. "Roman did that, you know." Her head shot up to look at him, her eyes soft but surprised. He nodded simply and looked out the window as he continued to speak. "I told him you'd heal up just fine, it's part of what we are, but he refused to leave without taking care of you. In fact," he shifted to look back at her, her eyes trained on the pile of wrappings now sitting in her lap, "he's outside right now, in his car. Slept out there so he wouldn't have to leave." She gripped at her cover and bit on her bottom lip to keep it from trembling.

"I'm sorry." Her voice was soft and hoarse from the previous night, but she looked up into Peter's eyes to make sure he heard her. "I'm sorry for being such an idiot and worrying the two of you. And... I'm sorry for breaking my promise..." With those words the tears finally broke through, and her sobs were muffled as Peter held her close, brushing his fingers through her hair as he began rocking her side to side.

"Sonia. It's ok. I promise you, it's ok. We're still human, we make mistakes, things happen. I am proud of you though." He pulled back slightly, his hands firmly on her shoulders as he looked into her shining eyes. "Two and a half years. You realize that's how long it's been, right?" She nodded slightly and cast her eyes down again, but not before he saw the flash of shame in them, and he nudged her head back up to look at him. "That is nothing to be ashamed of, Sonia. I've seen the shit you've had to deal with, and I'm so proud of you for making it as long as you did without relapsing. You're a lot stronger than I am, that's for damn sure." She found the claim outlandish and chuckled a bit, but Peter simply smiled, happy to see her smile again, no matter how small.

"You... You said Roman's out there right now...?" Peter nodded and her smile widened a bit, her heart swelling before another thought crossed her mind, and she found herself chewing on her bottom lip. "What... Did you tell mom...?" Peter smiled and rubbed her shoulders comfortingly.

"She still doesn't know. And she won't as long as this doesn't escalate, ok? I told her you got in a fight at school, defending Shelley from some assholes trying to pick on her. You should've seen how proud she was." He chuckled and stood up, taking the wrappings with him to throw them out. "She was worried at first, but when I told her she should see the other dudes, she broke into the biggest smile, and had no doubt in her mind that you would fuck someone up for Shelley's sake." They shared a laugh before Sonia remembered what had happened while leaving school, and she rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly as she looked up at him.

"Well, I mean... That's not exactly a lie... I did have to knock the wind out of one douche-nozzle yesterday." Peter cocked an eyebrow at her, standing in her doorway as he waited for her to continue. With an exaggerated sigh she stood up and stretched. "I was able to ignore the asshole when he shoved me, but then he yanked me back by my hair and told me he was gonna take me back to his place to do... Something." She saw the anger flash on his face and continued quickly. "B-but it's ok! I elbowed him in the stomach before giving him a hard uppercut to the gut. He had to be at least an inch off the ground before I dropped his ass." She started rummaging through her drawers for some clothes and heard him start to laugh.

"My badass little sister, such a cute little ball of fury." Without looking she pelted him with a balled-up shirt, only causing him to laugh harder. She looked over at him with a grin and started to laugh as well. "I love you sis." She beamed and went back to picking through her drawers for an outfit.

"Love you too, bro." He started to leave but stopped when she continued talking. "Hey, could you go let Roman know I just gotta get a shower and I'll be good to go? I told Shelley I'd hang out with her today, I might be staying all night if Olivia doesn't kick me out. You know Shelley, she'll inevitably end up asking me to stay all night before the end of the day." Peter chuckled and told her he would do just that, pelting her in the side of the head with her own shirt before darting down the hallway and out the door, laughing the whole way. Sonia just shook her head and shut her drawers after finally deciding on what to wear. In her arms she held a black t-shirt with a disgruntled looking cartoon wolf on it, holding a mug of coffee with the caption 'I woke up like this', something Peter had gotten her as a joke. With it she had a pair of dark cargo pants, some plain knee-high socks, and since it was getting cooler out she also grabbed her dark blue flannel to wear outside. Grabbing a towel she made her way to the shower, wanting to hurry up and spend some time with Roman and Shelley.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Yo! Roman!" Peter shouted and knocked loudly on the driver's side window, startling Roman awake and earning him an angry glare. He bit back a laugh while Roman rubbed his eyes and opened the door, stepping out of the car to lean against it with his arms crossed over his chest.

"So? Is she alright?" Peter sighed and nodded, annoyed but thankful for the fact that Roman was so worried about his sister. It was a weird situation, but he couldn't think of anyone he trusted more than the Upir to take care of his little sister. He made her happy and kept her safe, and that was all Peter cared about. 

"She's just gotta get a shower then she'll be out, said something about telling Shelley she'd hang out with her today. She also said Shelley would probably ask her to stay all night, so if that happens, could you try to convince Olivia to let her? I know she doesn't like either of us, but-"

"They're good for each other." Roman finished Peter's sentence for him and looked off toward his mansion. "I'll do my best, Shelley needs people like Sonia in her life. Olivia doesn't give a rat's ass though. Selfish bitch." Peter simply nodded and put his hands in his pockets as he looked toward the trailer they were living in.

"Tomorrow night." Roman nodded and looked at Peter, the two making eye contact. "You know how Sonia is. No matter how exhausted she'll be after shifting back, she's not gonna stay home from school. Keep an eye on her for me, alright? You and Shelley both. You both have my number, let me know if ANYTHING happens with her. Ok?" Roman nodded again and turned his attention toward the door as it opened, his face breaking out into the smile Peter only sees on him whenever he looks at Sonia. The same smile he gets around Letha.

"Well, you two got quiet all of a sudden." Sonia stepped down the stairs with her backpack over her shoulders and her camera around her neck, smiling wide. "What are you guys conspiring out here?" Roman went to her and pulled her into a hug, leaning her back as he kissed her.

"Oh, I was just telling your wonderful brother here how one day I'm going to whisk you away and make you mine forever." He stood her back up and she giggled nervously, her cheeks red as she struggled with how to respond to that. Peter felt a small twang of sadness in him at the thought but shook it away with a smile, watching how happy his sister was with Roman. She nuzzled into his side a bit before making her way to Peter and giving him a hug.

"I already told mom what's up, so I'm good to go now." Peter hugged her tight and gave her a quick noogie, laughing at the sounds of protest she made. When he let her go, she struggled to fix her hair and stuck her tongue out at him, flipping him off when that only made him laugh harder. She was smiling though, so he knew she didn't mean anything by it. She quickly hugged him again before making her way to the passenger's side of Roman's car. "I'll call later to let you know what's up, and to say good night if I do end up staying over, alright?" Roman was sliding into his seat now, inserting the keys and starting up the car.

"Alright. Have fun sis, and try to keep in touch so I know everything's going alright." She smiled and nodded, buckling herself in and setting her backpack in the back seat. "I love you, my dear little sister." She chuckles and shakes her head at him.

"And I love you, my favorite older brother." Roman's got his sunglasses on, laughing to himself at their little exchange as Peter steps back from the car, confused.

"But, I'm your only older brother? I'm your only brother, period." She beams at him then and he groans loudly, seeing the finger guns she shoots his way as the car starts to drive off.

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a one-shot but I got carried away and I want to continue it in my spare time now I'm sorry


End file.
